Tuesday, July 21, 2009
New header.
As the one of you that reads my blog will notice, even though you already know, since you helped me work on it, I have a new header.
I like it.
-----
Sarah's boyfriend broke up with her, at the worst possible time. She's had 3 friends die in the last 2 months, one in the last week.
We're two completely different people, and I think if we'd met under different circumstances, I'd hate her. She's one of the girls that goes to parties every week, gets drunk, has a lot of friends and would never hang out with me. I have very few friends, with only one I can truly count on. I don't go to parties. I don't drink.
And yet, we're somewhat friends. I want to help her. I'm better at that in real life. Everytime I try to meet her, to help her, she makes some excuse to avoid me.
I'm beginning to think she just doesn't want to meet me, which is a shame.
I'm not into her that way or anything. We're too different. We don't have enough common interests. But I still want to meet her.
-----
I over think things. This will be my first song post since the start of school.
Hands Held High - Linkin Park
Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank
These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"
[Chorus:]
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
Ten years old it's something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a jeep
Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes
My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like "what did he say?"
[Chorus x6]
With hands held high into the sky so blue,
As the ocean opens up to swallow you.
I over think things because I have thought through every possible different meaning for every different word through out the entire song. I'd explain it, but it's not as exciting as the song makes it sound.
-----
I hate feeling like this. It can't be helped, but it's part of the reason I'm not ready yet.
I'll be ready soon. Just not yet.
First day back...
Better than expected, honestly.
Other than the homework I didn't do, starting Citizen Kane in English and waiting for IT to start.
Linh's been getting better, but only because of Tramadol. At least she remembers this time, unlike the last anti-depressants she took, where everything after she came down from her 'high' was blank. Which is upsetting, because she was a lot more fun then.
-----
Talking to Brian helps with what pain remains.
I know she hates him. I know she wants to put a stop to him and Linh. But I know if she stopped, and listened to him now. Listened to how he's helped me. How he's helped Linh. She might change her mind.
Transcript:
Ben: I've been thinking lately.
Brian: Have you been? I'm proud of you. ;)
Ben: Hahaha.
Ben: One of the reasons I've been getting down lately, and feeling lonely, is because I'm still recovering from Shannyn.
Ben: She still has a sort of hold over me.
Ben: I spoke to her yesterday to find out where I was up to, and it felt like I was ready, but I went on LW earlier today and I'm not.
Brian: I know.
Brian: Just be patient.
Ben: I'm slowly getting there, but it will be a while before I'm properly ready.
Brian: Remember, it's okay to be sad, to be down. It's not okay to think that the world is ending.
Brian: Be patient, and good things will come.
Ben: I don't think the world is ending any more.
Ben: Yeah, we talked about that.
Ben: Time heals all wounds.
Ben: Be patient and Time will provide.
Now I feel like an idiot for attempting to shutdown my religious following of Timeism. But it's not really worth setting it up again. We didn't have enough followers.
I may be setting up a posterous account, to make posting easier on all my blogs. Including my old Wordpress one.
-----
I'm not ready. Not yet. I'm almost there, but not quite. Soon, hopefully.
-----
Today in Assembly, we had a song played by one of the students and the orchestra. I can't remember the name, but it was very... Spanish.
Now when I listen to music, I see images. I see pictures. I see a video. A clip of what the song should be played to.
This song was very sad. I saw a death. Suicide. A lover, left alone. A funeral for the victim. The lover again, distraught. Throwing a tantrum at the funeral. Contemplating suicide. At the edge of the cliff, she realises she shouldn't. She can't. She turns around to leave, and the cliff crumbles. She is left hanging onto the cliff. Her best friend runs and pulls her up. Saves her. He tells her family. Everybody gets upset at her. She is left alone again. She meets someone. She begins to fall in love with him. She lets go of the one that died. She moves on.
It was brilliantly played.
-----
Posted when I got home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)