On the train, in the class

This morning on the train, I was listening to my music. As I travelled past Springvale at the unreasonable hours of the morning, once again, I was afraid of seeing Linh.

But then i asked myself "Why?" Why does she scare me so? Why do I let her scare me?

If I ever ran into her again, I would have something very important to say.

"What you did to me was unfair. I should never have let it get to that. And i don't want to be your friend again. Looking back on myself since I cut you out, I was unhappy for a little while. But without you, I am happy. I'm the happiest I've ever been. Why should I compromise that for anyone but myself? Especially you."

I thought of this on the train.

-----

I'm in class now.

Guess I better start researching.

Yay?

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Day 3 - No contact

I know she's okay, and she just doesn't want to go on MSN, but I still worry.

I miss her.

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Last night's dream.

I dreamt of Shannyn. Nothing sexual, she was just there. Sitting on my couch, with one of my sister's friends, watching TV. I was terrified. Nervous. But I spoke to her. There was no awkwardness, no fear in my voice. As soon as I got the first words out, all my fears washed away. Listening to her voice from next to me, on my couch made me feel much better. There was much more to the dream, but that was the most significant.

I guess she really is the woman of my dreams.

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Day 3

Of all the friends I've made so far, I'm glad I hang out with the ones I do. In case of emergency "I'll pull a stop sign out of the ground and impale ***** on it." (***** may be substituted for any possible monster, zombie or demon that happens to attack us while at school) This particular group, consisting of the token blonde girl, the 3 FPS nuts, the 1 Halo pro gamer, and 2 RPG scrubs will prove useful during a zombie apocalypse.

It's going to be a very good year.

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Fantastic.

Here I was prepared to link the first image I found after searching "Fantastic" in google images, and I realised I had no idea how to properly make an image appear as an image on here. Has it really been that long? I guess it has.

Instead, I decided to find an old post with an image, and just change the source code, so it would all work.

I went back too far.

Back to my very first blog.

The good old days, where Linh hadn't ditched me for a bunch of randoms, talking to Linh about how terrified of talking to I was Shannyn.

Terrified of scaring her off, saying something I'd regret, doing something stupid. Knowing I how felt with her, but being so unsure of myself.

Situations have changed. I can get drunk now. But that's not all. I'd like to think I'm more mature. Have more life experience.

I can talk to other people about Shannyn, though it's not the same as it was once. Not nearly the same.

Reading through old blogposts is probably the last thing I want to do know. I'm much better than I was. No longer depressed. I drop sometimes, but it's not nearly as frequent, or as severe.

I don't want to go back there.

College starts tomorrow. I have absolutely no idea what's happening, when I start, anything. 40 hours of study, per week. 10 per subject. 16 assessments over each 12 week trimester. It's going to be a lot of work. Fun, but hard.

*insert sexual innuendo signoff*

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