Fear is the ultimate weapon

And sometimes there's no way to avoid it. Like when the person you love can't seem to accept it because they've been hurt a few too many times before. It just means I have to wait.I occasionally wonder if I can wait. It's not a question of whether or not I will. I will. There's no doubt about that. But can I? I love her more than anything in the world. I would do anything for her. I'd fight for her. I'd search for her. I'm not even sure I'd draw the line at killing for her. My world now revolves around her, and I'm not sure she completely understands that. If she's upset, I'm upset. If she's happy, I'm happy. I can't live without her, but I'm terrified constantly. Terrified of losing her. Terrified of making a mistake. Terrified of scaring her off. Terrified I might say something wrong, and cause her to hate me. (10:01:26 PM) redfindr495: I miss her, and I'm terrified constantly, and I don't know what I'm doing half the time. (10:01:51 PM) redfindr495: And I feel like I'm going to do something that will make me lose her and I'm terrified. (10:02:28 PM) blufindr: Love bites. (10:02:38 PM) blufindr: I have that feeling with Brian a lot more than I care to admit. (10:03:10 PM) redfindr495: And it doesn't matter how confident you pretend to be, the fear is constantly there. (10:03:22 PM) blufindr: I'm absolutely shit-scared that one day, I'll put my foot in it. Say one truly horrible thing about Amy, do something very much bad, and that's it. My one chance at happiness, poof. Gone, because of one moment of idiocy. (10:03:45 PM) redfindr495: Exactly. (10:03:52 PM) blufindr: And some days I can put it behind enough to truly enjoy myself. But then... then you remember the last time you fucked up. How perilously close you came to losing them the last time. (10:04:04 PM) blufindr: So you find yourself walking on eggshells around them. (10:04:07 PM) blufindr: I do know. (10:06:20 PM) redfindr495: And the last thing you want to do is walk on egg shells. (10:06:54 PM) redfindr495: Because with someone like Nynny, if I walk on egg shells then it makes her feel like I think she's too fragile to be told the truth, so I lose her then as well. (10:07:00 PM) blufindr: You want to be able to let loose with them. Be everything you ever wanted to be. But you can't be everything you want to be because you're too terrified, all the time. I want her to know how I'm feeling, but again I can't tell her myself because I'm too scared. It becomes a continuous circle of fear and it can't be stopped. I'm going to wait for her, because she's worth it. She is worth every second of my time, and no matter what happens I will fight for her. If I make a mistake, I will not let her slip away. She is my everything. Whether she understands it or not.