Well... Shit.

It's really inconvenient.

I got out. I'm trying.

I'm not past this.

How did it come to this?

It's not easy, but it gets a little easier everytime.

I want us to be friends as long as we can't be together. We can't be together so I want us to be friends.

I still want to go up to Darwin for my birthday, but I can't.

I don't want to make things worse. I don't want to fall back in to old patterns.

I can't. I can't afford to.

If I ever start to get like that I just need to stop. I just need to stop. Let her know that I can't talk to her if I start falling back into old patterns. If I start making her uncomfortable.

I have to let her know. But how?

Posted via web from Erebus's posterous

Wall-E

I don't care that it's meant to be a kids movie.
 
I don't care that it's out of sync for most of it, on my computer.
 
I don't care that it has a huge "Evaluation Copy" water-mark splashed across the front of it.
 
It's still one of the greatest animated movies of our time.
 
And I still want to cry throughout the entire last half our of it.
 
It's such a sad movie. :(
 
Probably better not watch it in the library again, where I have to keep pausing so I don't burst into tears and get weird looks.
 
Poor EVE. Poor Wall-E. Poor cockroach (This may very well be the only time I ever say that).
 
Wall-E did nothing wrong and he gets attacked for it and almost completely destroyed to the point of having his memory banks wiped.
 
I wouldn't mind a real copy, that doesn't have "Evaluation Copy" splashed across the front. And having it in sync would be sort of nice as well.
 
Doesn't really matter, I guess. Still makes me want to cry.
 
-----
 
That raises another point...
 
The last time I wanted to cry during a movie after Wall-E was in Bolt.
 
Why do I only get sad at Disney animated movies?
 
I feel sad during normal movies, but not to the point of crying. That's only reserved for Disney animated movies.
 
(I think there's something wrong with me)
 
-----
 
Which leads us to another lyrically attuned blog post this week, although I decided to scrap the idea of making it completely random. (And here I was thinking I'd have nothing to say, hence the lyrics. Guess I proved myself wrong.)
 
Papercut - Linkin Park
 
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin
 
(Chorus)
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
 
I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin
 
(Chorus x2)
 
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
 
The face inside is right beneath your skin (3x)
 
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me (Repeat until end)
 
Chorus (Repeat until end) -----
 
Lunch was delicious. For Canteen food. Poorly constructed Shepherd's Pie.
 
I guess we need to go back to watching Wall-E again. :D
HAILEYBURY
Haileybury College and Haileybury Girls College
Melbourne, Australia
ABN: 34 004 228 906
 
www.haileybury.vic.edu.au
 
Keysborough Campus & Central Administration , 855 Springvale Road, Keysborough 3173. Phone: +61 (0)3 9213 2222. Brighton Campus, 120 South Road, Brighton East 3187. Phone: +61 (0)3 8599 2444. Berwick Campus, 138 High Street, Berwick 3806. Phone: +61 (0)3 8768 2300. This email, including any attachments, is confidential. If you are not the intended recipient you must not copy, use, disclose, distribute or rely on this information. If you have received this email in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete the email from your system. Confidentiality and legal privilege attached to this communication are not waived or lost by reason of mistaken delivery to you. Haileybury does not guarantee that this email is unaffected by computer virus, corruption or other defects. Haileybury monitors all incoming and outgoing email for compliance with its IT Policies.

Posted via email from Erebus's posterous

My first posterous email post.

Well isn't this exciting?
 
Not as much as I thought.
 
-----
 
I have been asked to make a complete recount of every day for the trip from Vietnam to Cambodia. Much easier to do since I've already done it for myself. I just need to change it so I actually remember what happened on days 4 and 7. It's not that I don't specifically remember those days... They just appear to have merged into other days. So much happened it's hard to believe we've been back for a week. Not only that, but it's hard to believe we were away for two weeks.
 
-----
 
As many of you may notice (the only possible person that reads this blog), I am reusing my wordpress blog. Hooray for wordpress?
 
-----
 
I'm meant to be studying for an IT SAC, which I have tomorrow. Like I'm actually going to do that. I'm not doing so great in any of my classes. I would have thought IT was possibly my best, but I'm at the bottom of the class.
I would have then thought Business Management is my best, I'm stuck in the middle for it. And we have a lot of smart people doing it, so I'm moved further down by them. Closer to the bottom than the top.
Revolutions is no competition. I'm easily the worst person in the class. Failing horribly and bringing everybody else down.
English is my only hope. I'm not at the top, but I'm not at the bottom. People I'd expect to beat, are doing better than me.
 
I have no motivation. I'm sick of school. I'm ready for it to end, now.
The only person I'm going to stay in contact with once it ends would be Linh and possibly Steve. Every one else is going to go off and do their own thing.
I trust I'll stay friends with Linh after school. We talk constantly during the holidays. We're best friends. She'd do her best to save me if I needed it, and I have in the past.
I do my best to save her, which she's needed.
 
I've been there for her, even at the worst of times. She's been there for me at the worst of times.
 
We'll always be friends.
 
-----
 
I'm still not ready, but I am lonely. I still think of her, and I still can't go on LiveWire. I'm still not ready. not yet.
 
-----
 
I spoke to Manov yesterday. I wasn't expecting to see him so soon after the trip. He overheard me talking about her, and how I felt about her. He wanted to know how it was with her. "Didn't work out" is a bit of an understatement. But that's just for now.
 
Things will improve. We'll be friends. I'll find the right girl. Eventually. It will just take Time.
 
HAILEYBURY
Haileybury College and Haileybury Girls College
Melbourne, Australia
ABN: 34 004 228 906
 
www.haileybury.vic.edu.au
 
Keysborough Campus & Central Administration , 855 Springvale Road, Keysborough 3173. Phone: +61 (0)3 9213 2222. Brighton Campus, 120 South Road, Brighton East 3187. Phone: +61 (0)3 8599 2444. Berwick Campus, 138 High Street, Berwick 3806. Phone: +61 (0)3 8768 2300. This email, including any attachments, is confidential. If you are not the intended recipient you must not copy, use, disclose, distribute or rely on this information. If you have received this email in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete the email from your system. Confidentiality and legal privilege attached to this communication are not waived or lost by reason of mistaken delivery to you. Haileybury does not guarantee that this email is unaffected by computer virus, corruption or other defects. Haileybury monitors all incoming and outgoing email for compliance with its IT Policies.

Posted via email from Erebus's posterous