I can't think about it.

I don't know why she keeps coming back. She won't leave my mind alone. I can't think about her. And yet, occasionally, my mind wanders to her logging on. I begin planning conversations, the same way I began planning our first meeting. And it's tormenting. It's horrible. I want to talk to her. But doing so would be too painful. It will be a while before we can talk without the pain. I'm not even sure what I'm doing any more. Everything seems to serve as a constant reminder that I'm alone. And will be alone for a long time. That's not to say I'll be alone forever, just that I'll be alone for a while. Everyone says to wait until university or college. "You'll meet someone." I'm taking a gap year. I won't be going to college or university for another year and a bit. So I might find someone else before then. But they won't be like her. Such similar interests? Doubtful. As pretty? Even more doubtful. Wants to actually spend time with me? That's asking too much, according to the cosmos. If I am lucky, which I hope I am, then please, let us meet. But until then, don't torment me with perfections that won't or can't be delivered. ----- On a completely different note, TV at 1am on a Sunday morning. There may be only cartoon shows like Spongebob Squarepants on, but they have more pop culture references than I would have imagined. Ones that small children that usually watch these shows would understand. "Crossing the beams" - Ghostbusters. Full Metal Jacket episode. Indiana Jones references. It almost doesn't end. The writers have decided to make this as entertaining for parents that are forced to watch it with their kids as possible. Kudos. It's now 1:15am. I should probably go to bed now. I'm really tired. Night. Or morning. I'm not sure any more.