I've spent so long seeking relationships, miserably single to start, and then almost constantly in a relationship or thinking about the person I would like to be in a relationship with.
Even now, mere days after removing Shannyn completely from my life, I'm trying to move on. I had a wonderful conversation with Madi, and I would love to get to know her better. Get to know her. That would involve dating. Am I trying to get a date with her because I actually like her? Because I'm trying to prove something?
Or is Linh right? Am I really only seeking companionship because I don't know who I really am, so I attempt to associate with others. So they can define who I am. And I can be who they are, or who they want me to be.
I don't want that. I know my interests. But I do sometimes get caught up in the interests of others. And relate to them. I force myself to relate to them. Sure, they're interesting topics, I'm not denying that. But it's not my greatest interest. It's not something I would call an interest if they hadn't brought it up.
Maybe I do need to stay single for a while.
Atleast until I learn who I am.
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Erebus
Pursue the Darkness
