I'm sorry.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know how to act.

I don't know how to be anything other than what I am.

But you need me to be something else.

And I want to be something else, for you.

Because what I am is destroying me. And it tries to blame itself on you, but I know it isn't you. It really is me.

And I don't want it to be me.

Please. Help me change. For you. To be what you need.

Posted via web from Erebus's posterous

I wasn't grumpy.

I was depressed.
No matter how much I wish it, and no matter how much I dream it. No matter how much I explain it to you, you don't feel how I feel about you, about me.
You may never feel that way.
Am I wasting my time?
Am I waiting for something that will never be?
Am I in love with someone who only wants to torture me, and break my heart?
I don't know.
I don't.
I love you. You know this.
I want to be with you. You know this.
I wish I was already with you. You know this.
But it seems like you don't care.
You don't want to be with me.
You entertain my whims for a small time, but when it comes right down to it, that's all it is. You humour me, but when it counts, you don't care.
I set myself up this way.
I say things that trigger a response from you, and I already know what the response is. But it's never what I hope for it to be. And I know that it won't be. I know that it won't be, but I do it any way.
And then I question myself.
"What am I doing?"
I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Everyday, I set myself up for disappointment, and then I wonder why i get upset.
But it doesn't matter.
I guess it never mattered.
Will it ever matter?
In the state I'm in right now, I'm compelled to think "No. It will never matter."
-----
Erebus
Pursue the Darkness

Posted via email from Erebus's posterous