It's a fairy/elf/mermaid I asked her to do. She wanted a suggestion, and I gave it to her.
She drew me an incredible picture. So why is it so hard for me to accept this and be happy? She's said things that give me hope. 6 months. That's all I have to wait. It seems like such a small period of time in comparison to everything else. For example, Andrew Mulligan died just over 6 months ago, and yet the years gone so fast that it feels like yesterday we were told. It was just yesterday that trial exams were still 3 months off. It was just yesterday I was starting year 12, and had no worry of any of this. But so much can change in such a short amount of time.
We have an incredible connection. I know this. She knows this. What she said she'd do to me today... It wasn't sexual. I was feeling sick, so she would have given me a hug. I felt like I was going to vomit, so she would have given me a hug from behind. I would have held her hands closer to my body, feeling the warmth radiating from her skin. As i held her hands, she would have nuzzled my neck from my behind. It was here where I would have collapsed. She was not here, and she may never be here, but I want her to be. I want her to be here more than anything in the world. Even that computerized *necknuzzle* was enough to send waves of pleasure so violently through my body that I couldn't control myself. It was so perfect. So right. So intense that if it weren't for the fact that I were lying down, I really would have collapsed. I melt when she *snuggle*'s me. She is my kryptonite. She drives me crazy. Not because she does so many things wrong. She drives me crazy because she does everything right. I can't stand to be away from her. It is the most tormenting feeling in the world. It tears me apart. 6 months.
I want to say it may not be 6 months. I wish I could say it will be less than 6 months. I want to say I can fly up there straight after exams and be with her and that will be it. But it's not and it won't. Even if I do fly up there before 6 months, will she be ready? I'm not going to force her into something she doesn't want to be in, and spending any time with her is time and money [b]very[/b] well spent. But it's hard to imagine going up, being with her, and not being allowed to do anything romantic. 6 months. That's all it is. I just concentrate on other things and I should be fine.
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Erebus
Pursue the Darkness
