New header.

As the one of you that reads my blog will notice, even though you already know, since you helped me work on it, I have a new header. I like it. ----- Sarah's boyfriend broke up with her, at the worst possible time. She's had 3 friends die in the last 2 months, one in the last week. We're two completely different people, and I think if we'd met under different circumstances, I'd hate her. She's one of the girls that goes to parties every week, gets drunk, has a lot of friends and would never hang out with me. I have very few friends, with only one I can truly count on. I don't go to parties. I don't drink. And yet, we're somewhat friends. I want to help her. I'm better at that in real life. Everytime I try to meet her, to help her, she makes some excuse to avoid me. I'm beginning to think she just doesn't want to meet me, which is a shame. I'm not into her that way or anything. We're too different. We don't have enough common interests. But I still want to meet her. ----- I over think things. This will be my first song post since the start of school. Hands Held High - Linkin Park Turn my mike up louder I got to say something Light weights step to the side when we come in Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping People on the street they panic and start running Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping Risk something, take back what's yours Say something that you know they might attack you for Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for Like this war's really just a different brand of war Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor Like they understand you in the back of the jet When you can't put gas in your tank These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque Asking you to have compassion and have some respect For a leader so nervous in an obvious way Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day In their living room laughing like "what did he say?" [Chorus:] Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen In my living room watching but I am not laughing Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen World is cold the bold men take action Have to react or get blown into fractions Ten years old it's something to see Another kid my age drugged under a jeep Taken and bound and found later under a tree I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me Do you see the soldiers they're out today They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away It's ironic at times like this you pray But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads Inside your market, your shops, your clothes My dad he's got a lot of fear I know But enough pride inside not to let that show My brother had a book he would hold with pride A little red cover with a broken spine On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside When the rich wage war it's the poor who die Meanwhile, the leader just talks away Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day both scared and angry like "what did he say?" [Chorus x6] With hands held high into the sky so blue, As the ocean opens up to swallow you. I over think things because I have thought through every possible different meaning for every different word through out the entire song. I'd explain it, but it's not as exciting as the song makes it sound. ----- I hate feeling like this. It can't be helped, but it's part of the reason I'm not ready yet. I'll be ready soon. Just not yet.

First day back...

Better than expected, honestly. Other than the homework I didn't do, starting Citizen Kane in English and waiting for IT to start. Linh's been getting better, but only because of Tramadol. At least she remembers this time, unlike the last anti-depressants she took, where everything after she came down from her 'high' was blank. Which is upsetting, because she was a lot more fun then. ----- Talking to Brian helps with what pain remains. I know she hates him. I know she wants to put a stop to him and Linh. But I know if she stopped, and listened to him now. Listened to how he's helped me. How he's helped Linh. She might change her mind. Transcript: Ben: I've been thinking lately. Brian: Have you been? I'm proud of you. ;) Ben: Hahaha. Ben: One of the reasons I've been getting down lately, and feeling lonely, is because I'm still recovering from Shannyn. Ben: She still has a sort of hold over me. Ben: I spoke to her yesterday to find out where I was up to, and it felt like I was ready, but I went on LW earlier today and I'm not. Brian: I know. Brian: Just be patient. Ben: I'm slowly getting there, but it will be a while before I'm properly ready. Brian: Remember, it's okay to be sad, to be down. It's not okay to think that the world is ending. Brian: Be patient, and good things will come. Ben: I don't think the world is ending any more. Ben: Yeah, we talked about that. Ben: Time heals all wounds. Ben: Be patient and Time will provide. Now I feel like an idiot for attempting to shutdown my religious following of Timeism. But it's not really worth setting it up again. We didn't have enough followers. I may be setting up a posterous account, to make posting easier on all my blogs. Including my old Wordpress one. ----- I'm not ready. Not yet. I'm almost there, but not quite. Soon, hopefully. ----- Today in Assembly, we had a song played by one of the students and the orchestra. I can't remember the name, but it was very... Spanish. Now when I listen to music, I see images. I see pictures. I see a video. A clip of what the song should be played to. This song was very sad. I saw a death. Suicide. A lover, left alone. A funeral for the victim. The lover again, distraught. Throwing a tantrum at the funeral. Contemplating suicide. At the edge of the cliff, she realises she shouldn't. She can't. She turns around to leave, and the cliff crumbles. She is left hanging onto the cliff. Her best friend runs and pulls her up. Saves her. He tells her family. Everybody gets upset at her. She is left alone again. She meets someone. She begins to fall in love with him. She lets go of the one that died. She moves on. It was brilliantly played. ----- Posted when I got home.