Either way, it was hard. It's tearing me up inside as I type this. I should be typing up an English essay, but this takes priority.
I know I'm going to feel like shit. I already do.
I want it to end. How could I be so stupid? How could I make such a huge mistake? How could I hurt her like that?
But it was necessary.
The amount of grief I cause myself over her...
It was killing me. I couldn't have lasted much longer. I wouldn't have lasted much longer.
I'll always love her. I always did. I always have. I've never doubted that.
But the amount of pain I put myself through, worried about every little thing in our non-existant relationship, and then the reminder that we were never in a relationship. That we wouldn't be in a relationship for at least another 5 months. I don't think I could have lasted the 5 months. Not without driving her away. Not without losing contact with myself. Not without losing myself. Who I really was. It's not healthy for one person in the relationship to need their partner more than they need themselves. And the pressure I added on her was unfair.
We both need this.
I'll hate myself for it for a long time. A very long time.
But it had to be done.
For her.
For me.
For the greater good.
-----
Erebus
Pursue the Darkness.
