She's right. I need to get used to being alone. The few friends I have are leaving. The one friend I truly care about is still pissed at me, although now she's talking to me. And the little time we have together, I'm a depressed shit. I piss her off even more. We argue. We fight. I leave. I can't do this any longer. It's too much. How can I hold on to a world where my only ties are video games, a forum where my "friends" are people I will never meet, I rarely talk to, and who don't genuinely care about me, and . My family cares, but I barely see them enough. I'm always alone in my room. I'm always alone. Who else is there? Teachers? Four days from now, they can stop caring. They will stop caring. What's left? My friends? After Haileybury, they'll forget about me. I'll fade away into memory. Seems like the only people who have ever missed me were the guys in my guild on WoW. If only because they need me. Tank, DPS, Healing. That's all I am to them. Not a person. A pixelated character, who will stop them from taking damage, who will help them kill something, or who will keep them alive. They don't care about my feelings. They don't care about me as a person. It's getting to the point where there's nothing left. Nothing left for me, as a person. Nothing left to hope for. Nothing left to hang around for. I've sought help and it has been of no use. Even this, typing it out, getting it off my chest, does nothing. It does not make me feel better. It does not make me feel. I'm sick of this. Sick of running from the truth. Sick of hiding from the truth. Sick of protecting myself. I have one friend. Is it a relationship if only one person is committed? No. Is it a friendship if only one person is a friend? I guess not. How can I do this any more? How can I go on? I can't. But I don't have a choice. She gave me two options. We both know there are really three. But option number three isn't really an option. It's a mistake. A mistake that i can't make until I'm well and truly alone. No friends. No family. No one to worry about me. It won't be too long. And it's better than the alternative. -----
Erebus
Pursue the Darkness
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