I'm going to keep it brief tonight.
It's an odd sensation to have on a Monday evening. I guess I let it all out last night. But I feel fine. Extraordinarily sleepy, but fine.
Supernatural is awesome, so it helps with the feelings.
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I told my mum what Adam said. Recommending I see the specialist. She's fine, I think. I'm not really sure.
"What do you think of yourself when you're not down." Right now, I'm in an awesome mood. But I'm too tired to think (story of my life).
I'll do it later, for I am: Procrastination Man!
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I'm really not helping my case for being a completely straight guy...
"Biccy: That's a really weird comment for a straight guy to make Ben. Me:I know. Linh's made the same comments. But I only like Jensen Ackles and Hugh Jackman. Biccy: Hmmm.... Only? Only them? Only? Me: Only those males. Shit."
I guess... I have no idea. I know I'm not gay. I prefer women. A lot more to men. I guess I'm... Questioning? I'm straight, but I know hot when I see it. But those two men are the only people I will ever admit it for.
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The following will make Linh feel like shit. Only read if you want to put yourself through that. You've been warned.
Well now I'm depressed. I don't know what I'm doing any more.
I know I haven't done my homework. I know the next few weeks are important. I know more than most people. I don't care anymore. Everything that's been going on in my life lately has affected my ability to work. In class, at home. It doesn't matter.
The last thing I need to be told is that I'm a selfish prick. I'll never change. And it will probably result in my failing of year 12. This leads to the spiral. I'll fail year 12. I won't get into college. I won't be able to get into Uni. I won't get a good job. I won't get a bad job. I'll be stuck living with my parents until I'm 40 and kill myself becaue I'm still so alone, or they die. And that brings on the loneliness.
It wasn't even just the getting pissed at me that hurt. "I'm disappointed in you." That hurt the most.
I've tried to do my essays. I have 400 words for one of them. I have run out of things to say. I have run out of things to write. I'm not even sure I'm doing it correctly. In fact, I'm 100% sure I'm doing it wrong. That's one of the reasons I'm going to fail year 12. I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly or not. I don't know. I feel like everything I do is wrong, because I have no idea what's going on in any of my classes.
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I'm not sure if I've used these lyrics before or not. Regardless, I'm using them.
One stop closer - Linkin Park
I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I found bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Because I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts, they make no sense
I found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Because I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Because I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up
I'm about to break Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Because I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Because I'm one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break
This pretty much explains itself right now.
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I'm going to head to bed now. I might go see Adam tomorrow. Without Linh. And I was doing so well tonight.
I don't know.
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